We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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