is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
