She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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