So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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