dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
