I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
