Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
