The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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