New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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