Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
