He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
