dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
