So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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