I smell stomach acid.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
