are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
