I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
