Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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