Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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