Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
