i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
