it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
