I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
