Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
