dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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