exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
