she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
