so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
