This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
