bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i think i have herpe
just one?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize