Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
