just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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