Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
