Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
