Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
