There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
