i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
