I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
