I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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