btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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