I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
