Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
