He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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