After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
