took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
