Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
