how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
