I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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