Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
