So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
