the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
