Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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