Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
