How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
