somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
