Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
