am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
