I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
