One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
