i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
How external is "for external use only"?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
