i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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