Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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