Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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