Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
