Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
