What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
vagina is talking i cant
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
