Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
