I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
