I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
