Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
