btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Let's paint friendship bongs
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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