happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
