i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
