Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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