Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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