i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
