i think i have herpe
just one?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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