Swine flu. Run for my life!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
