In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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